Strength

It is Mother's Day weekend. Today is also Jack's one month birthday.  Mother's Day weekend used to only be a happy time. I never realized how hard this weekend could be for people, not just who have lost a child, but people who long to have children and haven't, people who have lost their mother, and people who don't have a good relationship with their own moms. This weekend I will celebrate getting to be a mom. I can't and won't spend the weekend in mourning. Will I be sad? yes. Will I be thinking about Jack constantly? yes. I have prayed for strength to not only get through this weekend but to enjoy it as much as possible. So far I have been able to enjoy a lot; getting to have Muffins with Mom at Harper's school, visiting with other moms while we watch our kids play at the playground, watching a roomful of kids sing and dance to "Let It Go" from Frozen, and meeting a dear friend for lunch today. My prayer for strength makes me think a lot about various versions of the same phrase that people have said over and over to Jason and I:

"You are a strong person." "You guys are so strong." "I could never do that, you're stronger than me."

Want to know a secret? We are not strong. And when you tell me "I could never do it"...guess what? I said the same thing when I saw other people going through really hard situations "I don't know how they do it, I could never do it". We don't get a choice whether we get to "do it" or not. I would have NEVER labeled myself as someone strong enough to go through the loss of a child. I think of all the instances in the Bible when God chooses people to further his kingdom that no one would have ever picked out as being special or important enough to be chosen by God (even Jesus was not who people would have expected- they expected a king in a palace, not a baby born in a manger!). I say this not to say we are as important as Jesus by any means, but to say that God gives strength to people without any. He values everyone, even the weakest. There is no way I would even be standing right now if it weren't for the strength supplied by God. He put people in our lives who have prayed for us without ceasing, people who have loved us and helped us get through this. He has given us strength that I can only describe as supernatural. The fact that I am still breathing, still standing, still walking around, still able to laugh and smile, points to this supernatural strength. So while we may seem strong, please know that we are weak and broken people. Who have been blessed with strength unimaginable by God, not from ourselves.

Heard this on the way home from lunch today and thought it was appropriate for this blog post!