10!

Usually when I do a number post it is related to Harper hitting some milestone. Today it is quite another milestone, though. Jason and I have been married for TEN YEARS! That is crazy. And wonderful. And exciting. I thought I'd put in my two cents about marriage, what I've learned over the past ten years. I am in NO way a love expert (haha, stole that from Frozen) or a marriage expert, and these are just my personal thoughts, but I think making it 10 years is something to be proud of. I hope I'm back in another 10, 20, 30 years with more advice and pictures!

What babies! Junior prom, 1998

I think  our marriage could seem fairy tale from afar. Which is ironic, because growing up I never dreamed about being married or played wedding. I always wanted to be a mom and thought, very unromantically, that marriage was the means to that end. Anyway, unlike a lot of little girls I was never consumed with this idea of marriage or weddings. But back to the fairy tale part. Jason and I met when we were 15. We've now known each other longer than we haven't, for 18 years. We dated a little in high school and then started dating the day we graduated and never looked back! (Which, coincidentally, is the same date as our anniversary and the same date Hendrix was due!). To look back now and think about meeting the person I was going to marry when I was 15 is strange. I would have laughed in your face then! One of our first conversations was me trying to talk up a friend of mine so Jason would ask her out! We dated for 6 years, long distance, before we got married. Thank goodness for all that distance (though I was not thankful for it at the time) because Jason and I were able to grow up and become our own independent selves apart from each other. God's plan was that we were still going to like our new, more grown up selves, at the end of it all. Thank goodness. Anyway, I am going to keep rambling, so here's the fairy tale in a nutshell: meet the love of your life at 15, start dating at 18, date for 6 years separated by 350 miles but manage to make it work with plenty of hours long phone calls and sweet love letters, get engaged at twilight on the highest point in Nashville with fireflies dancing around and fireworks to top it off, get married in a big, beautiful wedding in front of all our family and friends, live out our lives in perfect bliss. The end.

Oh, but wait. That's not what your marriage sounds like? Well, that's not what mine is like, either! Okay, it is, but it's not. Some days marriage looks more like this:

Then like this:

And I'm okay with that. First of all, if I had one piece of advice to give to someone who is considering marriage it would be: Don't. I know, that sounds crazy. But seriously, this is a HUGE commitment not to be taken lightly. And I know, you feel all the feelings for this person and have these rose colored glasses and dreams of this amazing wedding. But feelings and a beautiful wedding will only take you so far. When you are tired and stressed and snap at your spouse. A lot. When your partner is sick and you have to take on all the responsibilities. When you have no money but bills still coming in. When you have a baby that wakes up every two hours. When you are sitting in a doctor's office listening to the worst news you've ever heard in your life. You can "yeah yeah, we'll be fine, most of that stuff won't even happen to us" all you want. You can gloss over the advice of whatever brief marriage counseling you are getting, thinking you're good. You two are solid. You LOVE each other. But that love feeling is only going to take you so far. I hate to burst anyone's bubble and unromanticize this whole marriage thing, but love is not enough. If you are considering getting married try to picture all of these stressful and horrible situations I've listed and see who you'd want to be by your side. Every day you have to make a choice to keep loving the person next to you in bed, even if they aggravate you, even if they spent way too much money on something, even if your lives are falling apart. It is NOT for the faint of heart. And divorce is so hard and so painful and has so many consequences- I have had enough friends go through divorce that I would say it would be MUCH better to just not get married than to get divorced. One of my favorite songs about marriage is Andrew Peterson's 'Dancing in the Minefields'. If I could have an image of what marriage is going to look like it would be the couple in full battle gear (armor, helmets, swords, etc.) holding hands with swords up running at the enemy. Which is life. Marriage is a battle. A battle that starts with you giving up your life for another person. Marriage is two very broken people trying, not to fix each other or complete each other, but trying to just be broken together.

Our first year of marriage...still babies with no clue what we were in for yet.

Whew. So, marriage kind of sounds terrible now that I've said all of that. However. It can be a beautiful thing to watch two broken people learn to love the other more than themselves, despite the fact that they are so broken. What a beautiful picture of the gospel, when marriage reflects that kind of never-ending, never-giving up, never stopping love- "no matter what" as Harper says. I just want people to be prepared for reality. And honestly? I think Jason and I have a really great marriage. Not perfect. That poor man has to put up with me! But really great. Maybe that's why I want people to know all of the junk, because if at the end of the day you can still make it through all of that, you have a partner for life who you love more than your own life.

Jason,
I am SO glad that God chose you for me. I'm so glad you've gotten to be by my side as my husband for the past ten years as we fight the battles of life. We've been through hell and back and there is no one else I'd choose to be by my side through any of it. We've also had an amazing time learning, growing, and loving over the past 10 years. When I think back to the day we said our vows and how I thought I could never love you as much as I loved you at that moment I can't even believe how much more I love you now! You are patient, you are kind, you keep me laughing, you are willing to try new food, you are willing to dream with me, you are willing to fight for me: you love me well. Even when I feel unloveable. Even when things are falling apart around us. Even when life is good and we forget about the battle scars. I'd choose you again and again!
I love you!
Meredith

My favorite picture from our wedding day. In the end, this is how I choose to think about our marriage. Such a great picture of the intimate sweetness that only two people who have been through life's battles together can truly understand.