Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
"I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
-Ephesians 3:17-21

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Hope during healing

"We may ask why brokenness is so often a prelude to the surrender that God seeks, and for the answer, we need to go back again to the Garden. It was there that our human nature was forged. Our natural tendency is always to assert our independence, and seek to determine our own destiny. As we have seen, the consequences of this are grave. God in his wisdom will allow events that will curb our headlong dash for independence. Inevitably, the failure and disappointment of these events will lead to personal brokenness. God chooses not to leave us there, but to draw us back into his presence with his loving kindness, so that he might remake and start to really use us."
From Covenant and Kingdom: The DNA of the Bible by Mike Breen

As we enter this Christmas season we mourn what we do not have but we hope for what is to come. 

Our newest family member is expected to arrive on our 10 year anniversary, May 14, 2015. We are delighted and excited to be able to anticipate and welcome a healthy, baby BOY. Words can not express the joy we feel at the coming of our newest son. At Christmas we are especially grateful for this gift that we have been given that we do not deserve.

 Hello sweet boy!
 Gender reveal for our family
 Action shots
 Look closely, what color do you see?
 Harper excited for another baby brother!
 Take two- we even had Skype going!
 Blue!
 Harper needed hearing protection from the balloon pop!
 Lots of blue!
 It's a boy!
All is calm, all is bright.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

It Is Well

(warning: this may be a rambling post. It is 3am. Which makes me think of that Matchbox 20 song. Which was written nearly 20 years ago. Which makes me feel old. And now you see where this post is going!)

It has been quiet for a while on the blog front. Which happens often with this blog, anyway. I guess the big question is "How are we?". Maybe not, but I've had two people ask in the past two days.

We are surviving, we are maintaining, and, at times, we are thriving. I think if there was a piece of advice/helpful words that I received after Jack was born that really stuck with me it was "However you feel is okay. As long as you don't feel like harming yourself or someone else." And I think that is so true. And I really needed to hear it. I tend to push negative feelings down and being given permission to be okay with however I was feeling was good. Healthy. Healing. You feel what you feel. And that is fine for right this moment. There is no Emily Post guide to correct etiquette for mourning your child. I am sure there are a million different books on grief and coping, and I have some. I have yet to read any of them. What I needed to hear was that the heart wrenching, breath stopping, crushing weight of feelings of grief were okay. That was how I felt. Some days I still do. I also needed to know that the anger I felt was okay, too. And the questioning. And the joy. And the lack of feeling altogether. And I think for anyone who is coping with grief they need to know it's okay to own what you are feeling. I think if you become stuck or unable to function even after a long period of time, then you need to seek help in moving through whatever it is. And getting help is okay, too. Jason and I went to counseling before Jack was born to help prepare us for how to cope. (And just let me stand on my soapbox for a moment- I think counseling is a very healthy thing and has somehow become shameful when it should be celebrated and encouraged that someone has recognized that they can't do it alone and are seeking help from a professional!). 
Anyway, I guess the point of this is to say: we are doing well. And by well I really don't mean just surviving. Though that is part of it some days. We are continuing to move forward while keeping precious Jack in our thoughts, conversations, and house daily (see the picture above of the ornament I made so we can see his beautiful face along with Harper's on our Christmas tree). Thinking about the question "how are you" makes me think of the story of Horatio Spafford. If you haven't heard of his story, check it out here. He is the author of the beautiful song "It Is Well With My Soul". When I was pregnant with Jack and even for a few months after his birth I didn't think I'd ever be able to say that what happened was "well with my soul". But I am much closer to that point now than I've ever been. Does that mean if we went back in time and I got to choose the outcome I'd choose the same outcome? No. 
But it does mean that I have accepted what happened, I know that God can use it for good (and already has), and I have peace. 

Monday, September 29, 2014

Fourth Birthday Fun!

So, if you've known me for some length of time you know I adore birthdays. Not just my own, but I love celebrating! It of course all started when I was little and my parents made me feel so special and loved on my birthday. Some years we had great, big, fun parties and some years it was just our family, but they were all special and fun! I love birthdays so much, in fact, that one year I was sad that my group of friends and I would be driving back from an amazing trip to Florida on my birthday. I didn't want to spend my birthday in the car! But it ended up being so fun and a great time hanging out. Anyway, I have loved birthdays and wanted to do it up for my children's birthdays loooong before there was even a thought of Pinterest. I know that the pressure that Pinterest puts on parents (mostly moms) to have these perfect parties is probably unbelievable. I am thankful for the resource of Pinterest but also thankful that I've never felt the pressure from outside sources. This year Harper's party was super big and super fun, but very very low stress on me! All I really had to do was show up with some food. It was a 'woodland' theme and we had it at a local nature center here in town. They do a program for kids followed by a nature hike (on a not so stroller friendly trail as we found out!) and then the kids can go to the playground on the site. Below are pictures from the day. We had a lovely time and enjoyed getting to celebrate and enjoyed watching Harper and all her friends enjoy learning about nature!
 Lots of yummy snack food. Who needs decorations when you have this beautiful backdrop?
 Toadstool cupcakes!
 My precious, brave, adventurous girl!
 My mom made these awesome containers as table decorations!
 We have them at home now and Harper loves to study them!
 The kids were so focused on the program!
 Harper liked getting to help in the presentation!
 Seriously, have you ever seen kids sit this still?
 She had a great time!
 The kids were all more brave than their parents!
 An historical occasion, my dad touched the snake! 
 Parents of kids that were there, I need to email out the pictures we have of your kids with the snake!
 BFFs!
 Hiking...
 Serious hiking!
 Harper even got her own walking stick!
All of the kids that would sit still for a picture! Such a fun time!

Four.

Wait, didn't I just write the three post last week? How does this happen so quickly every year? Children's birthday's are such a great reminder for us to really appreciate each day because the years fly by too quickly. I will try to cram as much as I can into this post about Harper at age 4. She is VERY proud of being 4 now and on her birthday told EVERYONE we met that she was 4 now.

SOCIAL SKILLS: Harper and her core group of friends from school are all very outgoing and social. They ask other people their names, introduce each other, and are generally very friendly. It is funny to see such adult like behavior in such little people. But I love it! Harper is doing well when we go to restaurants. She can order her own food in a clear voice, says please and thank you appropriately, and in general uses good manners. When she wants to. We still have to remind her to say yes ma'am or yes sir sometimes or please. Most of the time I just don't respond to a request unless she says please and then she will ask again appropriately. I realize not every family has the same requirements manners wise but this is what works for our family.

SELF HELP SKILLS: Harper can put on her clothes by herself pretty much. T-shirts are obviously easier than more complicated shirts. She CAN button shirts but it takes SO long that usually I just do it. Which is terrible and I need more patience but that's just how it is. She puts on shoes and socks by herself as well. Most of these things are with the caveat that they are easy to put on. She did finally figure out how to buckle and unbuckle her sandals this summer which was super! She can also give her full name, our first and last names, her birth date, and our street address.

SPEECH AND LANGUAGE: I'm not even sure if I need to include this category anymore. Which is crazy considering I am a speech language pathologist. But language-wise Harper talks pretty much like an adult now. She still gets confused with figurative language, though more and more she remembers when we explain it to her. She uses phrases such as "speaking of..." appropriately now. She has now mastered her /k/ and /g/ sounds (she had been fronting for all of my SLP friends) and is actually getting /r/ in some positions, too. She likes to pretend to say things wrong or make her animals and dolls say things wrong so she can correct them. For example: "Mommy, Leo (the lion) says pum-pups for pull-ups!". She also likes us to tell her how she said things differently when she was a baby (Dati for Daddy or mok for milk). She is very interested in my job and will ask how my "little clients" did that day, even though some are old enough to be her great grandparents!

MOTOR SKILLS: Harper started gymnastics classes this summer. She has always been very active and it has been a great use of her energy, though she loves it so much she is often more wired when we leave! She just takes the basic preschool gymnastics class, they learn to roll and do obstacle courses and jump on a trampoline and have hung on some little bars. She has great balance and is learning to ride a bike with no training wheels. I'm not sure how she is so accident prone when her balance is so good, but probably because she never stops moving! (She got her first and hopefully last set of stitches this summer!). She can jump super far and can kick and catch and throw well still. We tried doing monkey bars at the park a few weeks ago and she didn't quite understand the concept but was strong enough to hold herself up. She can climb up a rope as long as it isn't too loose. Fine motor wise her new "3's" class at school has really amped up the fine motor curriculum, which I love! She wrote her full name all by herself for the first time this summer. Now she can write, fairly well, upper and lowercase A-E, thanks to school. She also write random letters, too, like 'Y' and 'T',

PRE-SCHOOL: I've already written about Harper's writing skills, she can also identify some whole words in print. She identifies her name, a few friends names, the word 'STOP', and 'Auburn'. At one point she identified 'Mom' or 'Mommy' but I haven't really tried to see if she can do that again. She can identify all uppercase letters and most lowercase. Again, I am terrible and have not really tried in a while to see if she knows all lowercase. She can identify numbers 1-10. She can count up to 39. She can keep counting if you help her by saying "40, 41...". She can count items now, too, at least 5, probably 10. I am trying to think about the games we play that involve counting spaces or tokens, etc.

Not sure where to include height and weight. After her doctor's appointment today she is officially 34 pounds and 41.5 inches! Harper we love you so much and are so proud that you are our daughter! To quote Jason (who should be writing this blog, because he writes much better than I do!) "You have taught me how to play again and how to enjoy the little things I too often hurry past. I love being part of the story that God is writing called your life!".

I've included several pictures, one is an interview I did with her over breakfast the morning of her birthday. I am hoping to make it a annual tradition but we will see if I remember next year!






Friday, September 12, 2014

What's in a name?

So, this post is mostly selfishly written so I can remember all of this. But I thought others might get a kick out of it, too!
I wanted to make a list of the names that Harper has given to many of her toys. Many of them are hilarious to me and I want to write them down because I probably won't remember next week, let alone when she is grown!

- a striped cat named Spot. A spotted cat named Pow Wow. (She got these at the same time!)

- A yellow stuffed animal dog named "Soft Toby". But temporarily renamed "Katherine Flower".

-A stuffed Beluga whale named Fluffy.

- A horse named Brown, a penguin named Pink, a dog named Black. (I call this the lack of creativity phase!)

-A baby doll named Baby Jacob Girl (named shortly after going to the hospital to meet not so baby anymore Jacob!)

-A baby doll named Sarah Hamilton (????). I think it's a double name, not her first and last name!

- A stuffed rabbit named Furry Furry.

- A cat toy (at my parent's house) that is basically just a furry tail named Brown Toby.

- Baby Kitty and Baby Tiger. (I think this is pretty self explanatory)

- a stuffed frog named Mr. Greenley (that is now a girl after 3+ years of being a boy!)

I will be interested to see how the naming of things changes. She now has several baby dolls named for babies she knows (Ava James, Ally Grace, Baby Jacob Girl). She may start using more realistic names or maybe she'll stick with the more descriptive names (i.e. Furry Furry). :-) Love seeing how creative and funny this kid is!

Friday, August 22, 2014

Harperism's 2014

I realized I haven't posted any of these for 2014...obviously it's been a little crazy this year but we've still been keeping up with it (love the notes function on my phone!). So here is one big crazy list of all the things Harper has said the last few months!
(she cracks us up! Anybody remember the cartoon Doug and his character Quail Man?)

I just met who you married!
  (considering that is her Daddy....I think the "just" doesn't apply!)

Look how raggedy. She needs to pull herself together. (To a crow)
  (this one both makes me cry from laughing so hard and mortifies me!)

To God's relief, he loves us all.

Um, excuse me Mom, but this seems to be loose.
    (Is she almost 4 or 40?)

Melon is God's candy!
   (I love when she comes up with stuff like this on her own- we've never said this to her!)

Daddy, you know what? If there was a monster in here you could fight it.
    (I love how much she looks up to her daddy!)

Like a family we're all going to share Daddy's ice cream!
   (My kind of family!)

It is alright if you are naked in Heaven. 

I don't feel like a kid.
     (This one makes me kind of sad, because she should only ever feel like a kid at this age!)

It's kind of awkward how they made this potty seat.
     (Her use of the word awkward is hilarious!)

How old is the world? I think it's "five fivety".

Toby Im not happy with you today, you should be punished.

Umfy  
     (This is a word she made up to describe when she is not in a good mood. Like the next level of  
      grumpy)

Crunchtons
    (Croutons)

When I grow up I don't have to go to school.
(Me) Yes, but you have to go to work.
I won't go to work.
(Me) Then how will you make money?
I'll use wood to make money 
   Future Counterfeiter?!?!?

Friday, August 8, 2014

Providence

prov·i·dence  [prov-i-duhns] 
noun
1.
often initial capital letter the foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures of the earth.
2.
initial capital letter God, especially when conceived asomnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankindwith wise benevolence.
3.
a manifestation of divine care or direction.
4.
provident or prudent management of resources; prudence.
5.
foresight; provident care.

(source: http://dictionary.reference.com)

For the past 8 months our family has been through hell. I use that term very intentionally. (If you somehow missed our story scroll down a few posts.) 3 weeks ago was not so fun, either (fridge broke, flooded the floors, ruined the floors, had to move out of the house for a few days due to hot, noisy equipment sucking water out of floors, then the AC broke, etc etc etc).  Anyway, it is easy to think during times like this "where are you God?" or "why me?". And we did think exactly that the day we *thought* we were going to get to move back into our house and I came home to discover it was well over 90 degrees inside the house (some of us, uh hum, may have felt that way sooner). HOWEVER, not for one moment did God ever leave us or abandon us. 

The day we had the first ultrasound with Jack was a Wednesday. Small group day. Which means a group of people who we do life with, who care for us and for our family, was already scheduled to come to our house. And they were a much needed pillar of support that day. 


God provided us with MANY people who helped support us, celebrate with us, and mourn with us.

God provided us with this sweet, funny, silly, amazing girl- who made us laugh when we didn't think it was possible, who prayed for her brother without being asked to, who pretended to read to me from the Bible when I was feeling sad or sick.

God provided ME with an amazing husband who was my rock when I would fall apart, who allowed himself to fall apart, who works so hard to help provide for our family- despite the overwhelming grief that we experienced, and who loves our family in such a selfless way, it makes me want to be better at loving others!

God provided us with a significant increase in cash-flow (thanks to a rebate check and the sale of Jason's old tire rims) just a few days before all of our house drama. 


And most importantly, God provided us with the promise that he will always be with us. Though we may go through hellish times, when we can reflect on and remember his provisions in our lives and remember he will be with us every step of the way, we know that God never fails.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness,
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
Lamentations 3:22-24

We are not consumed. 



Friday, July 18, 2014

Being Present

Being a parent is a hard mix of joy and fear. Fear of seeing your own weaknesses as a parent, fear for what could happen to your child, fear of the unknown- including the next stage of development. It is always such a sad/happy combination when your child advances to whatever is next (holding up their head, sitting up, crawling, walking, eating baby food, etc.). Once you are in the toddler/preschool stage those changes aren't as obvious sometimes and they don't come as frequently. But when I notice them it makes me sad for the stage that is gone.
When I was pregnant with Jack there were a lot of times when it was especially hard to be a good mom for Harper. Honestly, I was so stressed and so sad that it was hard to be engaged with her. (Side note- I realize that this might seem strange because of course, you'd think your natural reaction would be to cherish and love on your children even more- which I did sometimes, but until you've walked in these shoes- which I sincerely pray no one else has to do- there is no way to understand. So no judging please). Harper definitely lifted our spirits daily and helped us smile and laugh when I didn't think it was possible. But there were times that I was so unengaged that I probably missed out on things I wish I hadn't. We've also been looking at old pictures of Harper and reminiscing/mourning her baby/toddler days.
But I've been trying to really appreciate the stage she is in now, too. It really is such a fun age and I know I'll be so sad to see THIS stage gone as well (all too soon!). She is at the point where we can have a full conversation, pretty much like any grown up. Sometimes better than some adults! ;-) She also has started telling jokes (though, much like her mother, she usually doesn't remember the punch line). She remembers EVERYTHING (which we have to be super careful with) and often will reminisce with us "When I was a little girl..." or "When I was two...". Often when she says "when I was two" it was something that just happened a week ago! She is also SUPER helpful now, which is awesome. And she loves to help. She begs to help with washing dishes, loves to help with yard work (especially watering plants), and loves to help me "clean" the floors with her brooms and mops. She also just had the stomach bug and as gross as this may be, she now can throw up in the toilet or into a trash can rather than just all over (she almost never gets the stomach bug so maybe this usually happens earlier, who knows!). Today she really wanted to help me disinfect everything, so I gave her a sanitizing wipe and we went to town wiping everything down! How awesome is that? Sick one day then helping to disinfect the next! Another one of my favorite things right now is that Harper still doesn't really care what other people think about her. Oh, she wants her friends to be nice and treat her well but as far as being embarrassed about things we haven't hit that stage yet. Sometimes she won't "perform" for people, but that is fine. Today we were outside and she was riding her bike. At the corner of our street is a raised drainage ditch. She stood on the "stage" and sang "Let It Go" loudly while doing every. single. motion. from the song. It was the sweetest thing to just sit back and appreciate her innocence and confidence and just pure joy that she had.
When I posted on New Years Eve about what a crappy year 2013 had been and how we were making a blessings jar so we could look back on 2014 and really appreciate it I had no idea how much we'd need that or how much worse 2014 would be than 2013. I hope that we can continue to be present and truly appreciate all of the amazing things we have been blessed with. And even if you haven't gone through a crisis, it is just as important for you to appreciate everything you have! Because we aren't guaranteed that it will be here tomorrow!
Here is Harper telling one of her jokes! 

Monday, June 16, 2014

LOVED.

When you are in a nightmare that there is no waking up from, you can do one of two things. You can give up and succumb to the nightmare. Or you can rise above it and make the choice to keep on going, keep moving forward. I say choice because it is. Life can throw you some terrible curveballs but it is your choice how you handle it.

Our family is so fortunate because even in times when I just wanted to give up, we were loved so well and so deeply that it motivated us to choose to keep going. If you are reading this blog you are most likely one of those people that showed us love. From a random text on a random day from a friend halfway across the country just to say hi and thinking about you, to a freezer full of food to sustain us through the hard times, to meals brought for weeks by people who sacrificed their time and energy to bring us dinner to make life a little easier, to cards from people we haven't spoken to in years,  to sweet friends flying and driving from all over to rally around me, to prayers for us from those close to us and from people in other countries we will never meet, to our families who knew when to give us space and when to hold us tight, to the sweet teachers at Harper's school that let her talk about Jack when she needs to, to the people who have been bold enough to share their stories of loss and hope and healing with us.

There are a thousand other ways we have been loved and I wish I could share them all. We appreciate you all SO much and there is no way I will ever be able to express my gratitude in words. We have learned so much how to love others well from the way you all have loved us and we will (and hopefully have already) love on other people in this same way. You have all been the literal body of Christ to us. Jesus' message boiled down to its most simplistic form was love.


Saturday, May 10, 2014

Strength

It is Mother's Day weekend. Today is also Jack's one month birthday.  Mother's Day weekend used to only be a happy time. I never realized how hard this weekend could be for people, not just who have lost a child, but people who long to have children and haven't, people who have lost their mother, and people who don't have a good relationship with their own moms. This weekend I will celebrate getting to be a mom. I can't and won't spend the weekend in mourning. Will I be sad? yes. Will I be thinking about Jack constantly? yes. I have prayed for strength to not only get through this weekend but to enjoy it as much as possible. So far I have been able to enjoy a lot; getting to have Muffins with Mom at Harper's school, visiting with other moms while we watch our kids play at the playground, watching a roomful of kids sing and dance to "Let It Go" from Frozen, and meeting a dear friend for lunch today. My prayer for strength makes me think a lot about various versions of the same phrase that people have said over and over to Jason and I:

"You are a strong person." "You guys are so strong." "I could never do that, you're stronger than me."

Want to know a secret? We are not strong. And when you tell me "I could never do it"...guess what? I said the same thing when I saw other people going through really hard situations "I don't know how they do it, I could never do it". We don't get a choice whether we get to "do it" or not. I would have NEVER labeled myself as someone strong enough to go through the loss of a child. I think of all the instances in the Bible when God chooses people to further his kingdom that no one would have ever picked out as being special or important enough to be chosen by God (even Jesus was not who people would have expected- they expected a king in a palace, not a baby born in a manger!). I say this not to say we are as important as Jesus by any means, but to say that God gives strength to people without any. He values everyone, even the weakest. There is no way I would even be standing right now if it weren't for the strength supplied by God. He put people in our lives who have prayed for us without ceasing, people who have loved us and helped us get through this. He has given us strength that I can only describe as supernatural. The fact that I am still breathing, still standing, still walking around, still able to laugh and smile, points to this supernatural strength. So while we may seem strong, please know that we are weak and broken people. Who have been blessed with strength unimaginable by God, not from ourselves.

Heard this on the way home from lunch today and thought it was appropriate for this blog post!



Saturday, April 19, 2014

One week

A week ago today we got to meet our sweet Jack. A week ago today we said goodbye to sweet Jack.

I am sitting here at our dining room table. Decorated for Easter. It seems strange to have eggs and bunnies and flowers now. I am sure anyone who has experienced a loss can testify that it is magnified around a holiday. But right now the loss is so fresh, it is even stranger to have the contrast between the deep feelings of grief and the happy pastels of this holiday.

Our table is also strewn with papers. Mail yet to be opened that collected while we were at the hospital. "Recommended Resources" on coping with grief, on helping your children cope with grief. Insurance papers, medical bills. All reminders of what we do not have.

What we do have, though, is hope. We have never lost hope. Even in the darkest of times when we are sobbing with grief, we have hope. While Easter is especially hard for many reasons this year (the fact that this holiday is centered around the death of a son is not lost on us) it is good, too, that we have this reminder of how much God loves us. I understand even more now the pain God endured when he CHOSE to lose his son. For me. For you. I can not fathom making that choice, giving up your perfect son on purpose in order to redeem the sinful, evil, hateful people of the world. It gives me great joy to think on how amazing that depth of love must be (I can not even begin to pretend I could ever love that deeply). It also gives me great sadness to know that another woman lost her son because of how sinful my life is.

We are doing as well as anyone could expect. I think the term "coping with grief" is appropriate. Nothing can make it better, nothing can "cure" it. Nothing can numb the pain. But we learn to cope. And we keep our eyes open for all the beautiful things in this world. In our precious daughter's made up songs, in the beauty that is spring in full bloom, in the people who have loved us so well during our darkest time. Loved us in a way that is surprising and unfathomable. In a way that is much like the way Jesus loved us at Easter.

Jack

December 11, 2013 was the start of the hardest journey Jason and I have ever been on. It was a fun day, Harper had her school's Christmas program that day and that afternoon we were going to get to see our newest little one for the first time and find out if Harper would have a sister or a brother. They figured out pretty quickly that we were having a boy. But soon after that the ultrasound tech told us that something was wrong. I can't remember how she phrased it, only that I felt my heart sink into my feet. It felt like all of the blood drained out of my face. When the doctor came in (not our regular OB, who was not at that office that day) he was very cut and dry. It appeared that our sweet boy was having some growth issues in his limbs. They were sending us to UAB. Less than a week later (though it seemed much longer than that) we headed to UAB and heard relieving news. Though our little one did indeed have smaller limbs everything else looked healthy. A few weeks later we returned for a follow-up ultrasound. The news was not as good. The term they used was "lethal". The long drive from Birmingham back home was torture. Every follow-up ultrasound confirmed the lethal diagnosis. Jack's rib cage wasn't growing enough to allow him to breathe once he was born. It was (and remains) so hard to accept because he was so active and spunky while I was pregnant with him. God blessed us with family and friends (all over the country) who prayed for us and with us and cried with us and loved us so well. This is how we managed to put one foot in front of the other for months. We didn't tell many people about what was going on until just before Jack was born. The reason I write this now is just to share our story and explain a little more about what was going on with Jack. We will meet with the geneticists at UAB in a few months to confirm Jack's diagnosis. They are pretty sure they know what his diagnosis is, but the results of their testing will confirm it. We will not share the specific name of his diagnosis for several reasons. One is that it is not something that could have been prevented, no amount of medical research could stop this or treat this or prevent it. Based on what I know the chances of this occurring are one in 20,000. It is not passed down in families and is not a worry to Harper if she has children. The chances of it occurring again in our family is "nearly zero". But it happened. And our son is not here with us but waiting in Heaven until we are reunited again. He never suffered, never sinned, never knew anything but LOVE. We chose the name Jack Andrew because Jack means God is gracious and Andrew means strength. God has been so gracious to us throughout this  journey and has given us strength unimaginable. We are so  glad to have gotten to spend a precious few hours with Jack and will cherish those memories until we get to see him again.

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