Thoughts on our long awaited arrival!

Don't worry- no one is here yet! I have just been asked about a million times "are you ready". Maybe now I'll direct them to our poor neglected blog. My answer? Honestly? No. Of course not. I think Jason would say the same thing. We have been blessed with amazing friends and family who have given us many of the things we need for our sweet girl, we have taken childbirth/parenting classes that have mentally prepared (and possibly scarred) us for what to expect prior/during/after her arrival, and we have been praying that we are spiritually ready. BUT (isn't there always a but?) we have no hospital bags packed, no place for her her to sleep when she first comes home (not put together anyway), not enough diapers, and no car seat installed. Don't panic. It will get done. But even if we had been ready for months, my answer to the "are you ready?" question would still be no. How would I even begin to fathom if I am ready or not? And somehow, I am okay with that. Which might be the bigger lesson. Me, who is so planned, so future thinking, so OCD about deadlines (yes, I was the student that had her papers written prior to the night before) is okay with not being ready. I am already learning that God uses parenthood to teach you to lean on HIM. I have a feeling that many, many times over the next (fill in the #) years Jason and I will be at a total loss and have nothing but God to cling to. In fact, I know it. He promises it. And its okay. For too long I have clung to myself and my plans and my plans have not always happened, but you know what did happen? God's plans for my life, the plans he's had forever for me, have always happened. And my life has been so much more blessed (not in a "I'm rich and successful" way, but in a 'I now know my God more deeply and can praise Him through storms and celebrations' way). My prayer for anyone reading this is that sometime in your life when (not if) you are left with nothing but the Lord to cling to that you will do just that, cling to him. Let him fill you to the measure until you are overflowing. He'd love to do that. He longs to do that.

4:00 am

I have a feeling I will see this time on the clock a lot more in the coming weeks. 4:00 am really doesn't bother me TOO much, though, since I usually wake up at 5:00am anyway. What really bothered me was that I actually woke up in the 3's...I am the kind of person that needs her 8 hours every night. However, I am pretty sure over the past year plus, and especially the past several months God has been slowly preparing me for parenthood and what little amount of sleep comes with it. Job in another state in Eastern time zone? check! Leaving the house before 6am every day? check! Being pregnant and not being able to go back to sleep? check! I don't say any of this to complain. Sometimes I actually appreciate the time. I have always been a morning person, so I'd much rather wake too early than have trouble falling asleep. When I was little I would wake up pretty early every morning and I loved it because even on school days I would have time to drink my hot chocolate (precursor to hot tea) and play before I had to get ready for school. In the summers when we'd go visit my grandparents I remember walking down the road from our house to theirs in the dark and I'd sit with my grandmother and we'd watch the sunrise through her big picture window. It is comforting to know that another day is here. Another chance to redeem yourself at life! Maybe it is the farmer genes in my blood. Maybe its the baby hormones. Maybe I am just a touch crazy. I don't mind 4:00 am. We'll see if I will be singing another tune after our sweet little sleep stealer comes!