"Goodbye 2013. Glad to get rid of you."
It has been a difficult year. Really not the whole year, just the last two months or so. For many reasons which I may or may not share on this blog. All of the reasons this has been a crappy year have to do with the heartache of people I love. But as I was reflecting on the misery that I've seen and experienced this year I realized that I can't say that this whole year was a total wash. In fact, to discount this year would be to miss out on some pretty amazing times. I pinned this pin on Pinterest last year sometime but never did it. I really really wish I had. We already have our mason jar out and ready to fill up with happy memories/blessings/things we are thankful for. To sit and reflect on the goodness of the past year is a great reminder of God's faithfulness to us and helps gives us hope for the future. I also think that compleltely ignoring the bad parts of the year is not good either, as much as I may want to and is in my nature to do so. They happened. Sweeping them under the rug or pretending they don't bother us is not healthy. We go through trials for a reason. Sometimes that reason is not easy to see. Sometimes we don't care what the reason is the trial is so agonizing. I think as Christians sometimes we think we are supposed to act like nothing bothers us and since "it's in God's plan" we can get through anything with a smile on our face. Except that God doesn't make us to be plastic people who don't feel. I love what John Piper says about experiencing feelings of loss near Christmas:Many of you will feel your loss this Christmas more pointedly than before. Don’t block it out. Let it come. Feel it. What is love for, if not to intensify our affections — both in life and death? But, O, do not be bitter. It is tragically self-destructive to be bitter.
"Don't block it out". I realize there is a fine line between not blocking it out, letting the feelings really come, and being bitter. I think if you don't feel, though, you can't move through it or past it and THAT is when bitterness can really set in. I also think a lot of the bad parts of the year have made me completely reliant on God. This is both scary and relieving. Jason and I have both come to the realization that one of the trials we are going through is completely beyond our control. We have no choice but to rely on God. And He has already shown his grace through this situation. Jason pointed out so often that we say "we give it up to God" or something to that effect but that in many cases we never actually totally release control.
So to sum up my thoughts on this year...goodbye 2013. You've been one I wouldn't wish on anyone. I hope at the end of every year I can reflect back on that year and see that I lived it well, no matter what kind of a year it was. My resolution for 2014 is to try and continue to glorify God through the valleys and the peaks of life.
