Three

Watch this video first!

Today Jack would be 3. THREE. These have been the fastest three years of my life. Only recently did I finally put his shadow box together. Before I get into my feelings and thoughts on this day I want you to watch the video linked above. I LOVE this video on grief that John Piper did. Especially these words: 

"Occasionally, weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he's given you."

Perfect summary of my feelings about Jack. When I mention him or post things about him it is not to draw sympathy, though that is often the reaction from others. And please know I don't think that reaction is wrong. Your feelings are your feelings. But I need you to know that when I bring Jack up it is usually not from a place of pain or sorrow. Though of course I feel those, too. It is usually from a place of hope. I am so amazed at what God has done through Jack's short life and what God has done in MY life in the 3 years since Jack died. Though I'd never choose to lose a child, I trust God and have seen the beautiful things he has done through such pain. I'm embracing the life that I've been given. I am thankful for the new life God gave us in Hendrix and I'm thankful for the deepening of Harper's faith through losing her brother. Yes, losing Jack was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But I don't need pity or tears about it. I need you to see the beautiful things God has done through his life. I need you to see that even in the darkest hour there is a God who weeps with you and draws you close and holds you tight. And I need you to know that the sun rises the next day and life goes on, not just goes on, but life becomes beautiful again. 

I also like Piper's video because of the word "occasionally". Meaning, grief will ebb and flow. I will never "get over" losing Jack. What parent could pretend their child never existed? There will be days when the 'what ifs' get hard again and the tears come. We talk about Jack daily still. Even after three years. He is a part of our family. His little brother learned to say "Dack" pretty early on and regards Jack's bear as a highly valued treasure. So don't think eventually I will stop talking about him or stop pointing people to God, the one who created every tiny part of Jack. Getting over "it" is not happening. The key, though, is that last line "Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he's given you." You can't stay in the place of weeping forever. Embrace the new life. Focus on the ones God puts before you. It is possible to do that without forgetting the ones that are gone.

Happy birthday, Jack. We love you far more than I could ever express in words. We know you live in a land of perpetual celebration and are thankful for the hope of being reunited one day!

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

My favorite photo of all time.

I can't wait to find a place of honor to display this in the new house! Jack's hat knit by a friend of my moms, his blanket knit by my sister, his first and only diaper, his beautiful gown they gave him at the hospital, his hospital bracelet, and his hand and foot prints. 

To honor Jack's life our family likes to do something each year to help children in our community. Here are some of our favorite ways to do this and we'd encourage you to donate as well!

BigHouse Foundation- dedicated to meeting the needs and improving the quality of life for children in foster care. They have a swim suit and towel drive each spring. Read more about that here.

Sonshine Day Camps- A ministry of Alabama Rural Ministry (ARM) the camps are the primary way ARM bears witness to the love of God through academic enrichment and Christian education to children. It is also one of the ways ARM builds relationships that overcome cultural, racial and age barriers. In the rural communities where ARM serves, children often have very few opportunities for organized activities during the summer. Many of their schools communities are under-resourced and struggle to prepare them academically. In some cases, their home environments are tense and difficult to manage for various reasons. At day camp, ARM wants to create a fun, safe, caring space for kids to know and feel God’s love while being enriched in their reading and writing.

Donate here.

Junior League of Lee County- This organization helps better the health and wellness of the children of Lee County in so many ways, from a backpack program that provides food over the weekends to children on the free lunch program to volunteering with after school programs mentoring girls from at risk areas. To donate click here.