A Minute with the Martins

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Jack is 4

Four years ago we met Jack. And said goodbye. Each year it continues to seem like a lifetime ago and yesterday all at the same time. And each year I will continue to post- not to gain sympathy or pity or to wallow in grief but as an ebenezer. In the Bible (1 Samuel 7:12) Samuel takes a stone and raises it up at the place where his army was able to defeat the Philistines, even though they were surely going to be overtaken. He used the stone as a way to mark the place where the Lord had helped them so they would always remember. And that is what I want to do today, to mark this day, so I can always remember. Ebenezer means 'stone of help' and in addition to wanting to remember Jack I also want to remember how God has helped us. He has drawn us near to him, drawn us near to each other, given us friends to comfort us and love us. Given us prayers upon prayers from people we know intimately and those we will never know. And God has given us this pain as a platform to share His love and tenderness with others. He would never cause such pain but has allowed it so others can know they are known and loved by the maker of the universe. And we've already seen Jack's short life make an impact for the kingdom. His story exemplifies the gospel in such a beautiful way. On the heels of Easter Jack's birthday is the perfect remind that God did send help in the form of Jesus. And because of Jesus our family has the hope that Jack is whole and healed and that we will be reunited.

"Thus far the LORD has helped us"

(1 Samuel 7:12)

Loss is tough. In so many ways. It sneaks up on you during the most random of times. A few weeks after Jack's birthday last year we moved to a new house (which was hard because our old house was the only one Jack had ever lived in). And during all of the unpacking and decorating and organizing that comes with moving into a new place I wanted to hang pictures of the children in the long hallway upstairs. We have gorgeous pictures of both Harper and Hendrix. And when it came time to select Jack's picture it hit me. We will only ever have this finite number of pictures to choose from. Harper and Hendrix already had hundreds of pictures we could use to frame. But not Jack. And that was such a hard, sad thing to realize. This task which should have fun or at the very least, just a simple task, became a reminder of what we do not have. I am so thankful for sweet friends who listened to my broken heart and gave me words of comfort that day. Eventually I ordered Jack's picture and put it in the frame on the wall (the black and white photo you see above). Because even though this was hard and I struggled it was something I knew I needed to do. Something I WANTED to do. To have my second child, my first son, on the wall with my other children. Ignoring or forgetting him just because it is hard is more heartbreaking than actually grieving the lack of pictures.

And in an effort to not ignore or forget our family continues to use his birthday to give back to our community. And we'd love you to do the same, if you feel so led. Here are our favorite organizations that are making real change for children in our area and state.

Sonshine Day Camps

Day camp is the primary way our summer mission camps bear witness to the love of God through academic enrichment and Christian education to children. It is also one of the ways we build relationships that overcome cultural, racial and age barriers. In the rural communities where we serve, children often have very few opportunities for organized activities during the summer. Many of their schools communities are under-resourced and struggle to prepare them academically. In some cases, their home environments are tense and difficult to manage for various reasons. At day camp, we want to create a fun, safe, caring space for kids to know and feel God’s love while being enriched in their reading and writing. Donate here

Big House Foundation

Every Spring BigHouse provides new swimsuits and new beach and bath towels to children in foster care in Alabama. These children have entered care in the last 12 months and their social worker places a request for them to receive this donation. Each towel is embroidered with the child's name to make it extra special and uniquely theirs.
Help provide this sweet summer necessity to children all across our state by making a donation here!

Junior League of Lee County

The Junior League of Lee County is making a difference in the county by the Weekend Backpack Program in Partnership with the Food Bank of East Alabama.

In the past 2012-2013 school year, the League has packed and delivered 800 bags of food. This is program has served 80 children in Lee County Elementary and Middle Schools.

The Goal is to serve the chronically hungry children in Lee County Schools who would go hungry over the weekend. Donate here.

Monday, April 9, 2018

Harper is 7!

This SHOULD have been posted September 24, 2017...
I am officially a slacker blog mom. ;-)

For Harper's 7th birthday we chose an experience rather than a party. And what an experience it was! Jason, Harper, and I got to spend the night at the Georgia Aquarium! Although we didn't sleep much it was SO worth it! To lay there and see a sea turtle, grouper, rays, and whale sharks swimming over you was surreal! Harper had a blast and whenever we go to the aquarium she likes to stand in the tunnel and say "I slept RIGHT HERE!". Such a fun adventure. They only allow children 7 and up to spend the night so if your child is an animal lover I'd definitely look into it!

Harper continues to be my sweetheart. Her kindness to others really shines and it makes me so proud to be her mother! This year we've seen her confidence drop which has been a hard thing as parents and I don't know why exactly we've seen that. Her time in Taekwondo definitely helps with that. And we've seen her stand up to other children when they are being teased, etc so I am glad she is confident in that. I've included some pictures from her fun birthday!

Coolest place I've slept by far!

The sleepover also included a behind the scenes tour! So cool!

We got talked into getting her a stuffed otter at the aquarium.

We made aquarium cupcakes!

Hendrix is two (almost a year late)

Because we moved a week before his birthday and then were without internet for weeks after that I never got his birthday post made. And it blows me away how much he changed just a few months after this post! I have included what I posted on his second birthday because I know I won't remember what he was like at that age. He has grown up so much in the past year!

"Happy birthday Hendrix! I can't believe this sweet, loud, big boy is TWO! He is saying quite a few phrases now, including "Want more chocolate", "Henny cracker", "No Mama, Daddy rock rock" (when he wants Jason to put him to bed). He loves to eat (fruit, meat, crackers), loves to read, loves watching the "big beeps" move dirt, loves anything with wheels, adores his sister (he woke up asking for her), loves yelling "Amen" after the prayer, loves his "Tob Dog", and loves his family. Hendrix, life with you is exhausting, exasperating, exhilarating, exciting, and we wouldn't trade it! We love you!"

We had a small party with just family at our new house (we literally had moved in one week before the party...not pictured boxes shoved in the corners.). The day we had his party was his Aunt Katie's actual birthday so we celebrated her as well! Then on his actual birthday we had spaghetti (his favorite) and let him have another cupcake!

Monday, April 10, 2017

Three

Watch this video first!

Today Jack would be 3. THREE. These have been the fastest three years of my life. Only recently did I finally put his shadow box together. Before I get into my feelings and thoughts on this day I want you to watch the video linked above. I LOVE this video on grief that John Piper did. Especially these words:

"Occasionally, weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he's given you."

Perfect summary of my feelings about Jack. When I mention him or post things about him it is not to draw sympathy, though that is often the reaction from others. And please know I don't think that reaction is wrong. Your feelings are your feelings. But I need you to know that when I bring Jack up it is usually not from a place of pain or sorrow. Though of course I feel those, too. It is usually from a place of hope. I am so amazed at what God has done through Jack's short life and what God has done in MY life in the 3 years since Jack died. Though I'd never choose to lose a child, I trust God and have seen the beautiful things he has done through such pain. I'm embracing the life that I've been given. I am thankful for the new life God gave us in Hendrix and I'm thankful for the deepening of Harper's faith through losing her brother. Yes, losing Jack was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But I don't need pity or tears about it. I need you to see the beautiful things God has done through his life. I need you to see that even in the darkest hour there is a God who weeps with you and draws you close and holds you tight. And I need you to know that the sun rises the next day and life goes on, not just goes on, but life becomes beautiful again.

I also like Piper's video because of the word "occasionally". Meaning, grief will ebb and flow. I will never "get over" losing Jack. What parent could pretend their child never existed? There will be days when the 'what ifs' get hard again and the tears come. We talk about Jack daily still. Even after three years. He is a part of our family. His little brother learned to say "Dack" pretty early on and regards Jack's bear as a highly valued treasure. So don't think eventually I will stop talking about him or stop pointing people to God, the one who created every tiny part of Jack. Getting over "it" is not happening. The key, though, is that last line "Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he's given you." You can't stay in the place of weeping forever. Embrace the new life. Focus on the ones God puts before you. It is possible to do that without forgetting the ones that are gone.

Happy birthday, Jack. We love you far more than I could ever express in words. We know you live in a land of perpetual celebration and are thankful for the hope of being reunited one day!

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

My favorite photo of all time.

I can't wait to find a place of honor to display this in the new house! Jack's hat knit by a friend of my moms, his blanket knit by my sister, his first and only diaper, his beautiful gown they gave him at the hospital, his hospital bracelet, and his hand and foot prints.

To honor Jack's life our family likes to do something each year to help children in our community. Here are some of our favorite ways to do this and we'd encourage you to donate as well!

BigHouse Foundation- dedicated to meeting the needs and improving the quality of life for children in foster care. They have a swim suit and towel drive each spring. Read more about that here.

Sonshine Day Camps- A ministry of Alabama Rural Ministry (ARM) the camps are the primary way ARM bears witness to the love of God through academic enrichment and Christian education to children. It is also one of the ways ARM builds relationships that overcome cultural, racial and age barriers. In the rural communities where ARM serves, children often have very few opportunities for organized activities during the summer. Many of their schools communities are under-resourced and struggle to prepare them academically. In some cases, their home environments are tense and difficult to manage for various reasons. At day camp, ARM wants to create a fun, safe, caring space for kids to know and feel God’s love while being enriched in their reading and writing.

Donate here.

Junior League of Lee County- This organization helps better the health and wellness of the children of Lee County in so many ways, from a backpack program that provides food over the weekends to children on the free lunch program to volunteering with after school programs mentoring girls from at risk areas. To donate click here.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

6!

Poor Harper. She hasn't gotten a post lately. Really, poor blog, I haven't posted in forever. Thankfully the blog isn't a person and I'm totally fine with living life and not worrying about updating the blog. However, I do love that it is here for posterity's sake and it helps my poor mommy brain remember sweet things that I otherwise wouldn't (I've actually referenced our blog multiple times in the past 2-3 months so I can compare Harper and Hendrix). Anyway...Harper turned 6 yesterday! It is getting harder and harder to put into words what I feel for my precious girl. Literally since she was born I've felt she was just too good to be true (I know a lot of parents must feel this way but I KNOW it is true). That doesn't mean that I think she's never done anything wrong or that she is perfect, but I can see what an amazing creator God is when I look at her. He designed her so special and unique and I love getting to watch her life unfold.
Harper started kindergarten in August and it is so amazing to see how much she has 'grown up' since then. If nothing else, kindergarten has promoted such independence in my sweet girl. Independence in thoughts, in life skills, in her ability to verbally work through things...so amazing! She is also reading a little now (though she still says she "can't read") and writing sentences that we can actually read, now! The other day she wrote "Hannah went to the zu"! I love watching her learn and love that she is continuing her zeal for learning. That was my goal for her in kindergarten, just that she would continue to love to learn. We were blessed with the sweetest teacher who does such a great job of teaching the children based on their interests and ideas.
Harper also continues to have such a kind heart. Yesterday, on her birthday, she woke up to her brother crying (he had gotten in trouble) and she came out because she said "I heard his hurt or scared cry and I needed to check on him". The first thing she did on her birthday was a selfless act of checking on her brother. Sweetness. Her kind heart also leads to bigger feelings, too. She is more concerned about lots of things than I think most children her age are. But she's also experienced more than most kids her age. We often have to answer (or at least attempt to answer) tough questions or battle some fears and anxieties with her, especially when she gets tired. Since she feels all the feelings it leads to some major outbursts, especially since she's been worn out since starting kindergarten. These are not often but are SO hard for me as a parent because they are so atypical and I know she knows how to behave and I think my expectations for her are too high often times.
Now that Harper is "Miss Independent" she had a big hand in planning her birthday this year. Instead of just telling me what she wanted as a gift or where she wanted to have it she had input in most of the details. And it was truly such fun planning it with her. It was a great lesson for me in letting go and letting her have independence. Several things she helped me with I wanted to take control of and make "perfect" but I knew (thanks to great models of discipleship) that letting her gain independence in these tasks was more important than me just doing them for her. Parenting is such a humbling experience and I know God has used it as one of the biggest teaching tools for my life. Harper decided on a tea party this year and after watching Alice in Wonderland we made that our theme for the tea party. She has such fun playing with all her friends and even got to use some of the manners she learned in Colonial Williamsburg this summer (though the loud belch probably wasn't one of those!). Enjoy the pictures of my precious 6 year old! Time continues to fly but I am (very very slowly) learning to enjoy the ride!